


You're My Home

by robertnemmon



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Domestic Fluff, English translation, Guan Shan's mom is the best, Light Angst, M/M, Moving In Together, and He Tian is a nice lovely boy, everything is beautiful and almost nothing hurts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-09-02 16:19:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8674219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robertnemmon/pseuds/robertnemmon
Summary: playlist:Heartless Bastards - Only For YouTwin Sister - I Want A HouseCigarettes After Sex - Nothing's Gonna Hurt You BabyCigarettes After Sex - Affection___________________________________________________beta-reader: mazakichanbased on the hc by: midotakaismthank you so much guys!





	

**Author's Note:**

> playlist:  
> Heartless Bastards - Only For You  
> Twin Sister - I Want A House  
> Cigarettes After Sex - Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby  
> Cigarettes After Sex - Affection  
> ___________________________________________________
> 
> beta-reader: mazakichan  
> based on the hc by: midotakaism  
> thank you so much guys!

It all begins Guan Shan's tendency to leave his stuff at He Tian’s place: a college bag with texts and notebooks; he changes his clothes – from shabby ripped jeans and an everyday t-shirt into black slacks and a white shirt for the small cafe he was working at, about two blocks away from He Tian’s apartment; old sneakers, so he has something to put on his feet when they’re going to take an evening walk around the stifling but also empty streets. After his night shifts it’s closer to go to He Tian's than to his mother’s house, so these days Guan Shan's been staying with him 'till the morning. Next day, after waking up, they wash up, have breakfast together by eating something light and then they prepare for studying.

He Tian doesn’t mind about that unplanned interference and quickly gets used to even the empty kitchen still keeping the smell of fried vegetables, and that the second pillow on his bed – which used to be cold and not creased – is now soaked with aroma of the shampoo they both use and the scent of the copper hair.

He Tian likes that new feeling of presence of someone who’s surprisingly pleasant and isn’t like the others. Someone, who doesn’t bore him, doesn’t grab his arm trying to take his attention. He smells like a rebel and boyish rudeness, he seems like a prickly bush with small beautiful flowers that you want to touch so bad you don't think about all the thorns that can wound your skin.

The number of Guan Shan's things in He Tian’s house is only growing; sometimes he just replaces something by other stuff, so He Tian doesn’t notice. But when his own clothes are dirty, he doesn’t ask He Tian anymore - he just goes straight to check his wardrobe, searching for his favorite hoodie. It became a habitual thing for them – to switch their clothes, because they have one size they both wear (with a small difference that wasn’t a problem). Still, He Tian’s shirts looks pretty baggy on Guan Shan, it’s especially wide on his shoulders and the sleeves are a bit long, but he likes wearing oversized clothes so he doesn’t pay attention to it. Whenever he wears something that belongs to He Tian he looks younger and more defenseless than he usually does, so these days He Tian’s hands lose control and reach for him ten times more often.

Lately, they've been spending their time together, not needing anybody else to talk to. It's like it was in school, when they didn’t know how to show their feelings and profess their love, so they could do nothing more but feel the desperate desire of hanging around each other.

They go running early in the mornings and wake each other up if one of them is too lazy to get up at 5 am.

They go to eat noodles with beans in their favorite corner caffe that has a TV on the wall showing old comedy series.

They wait for each other on the way from college or work, and if one of them's late, the other goes to the park where they usually like to sit by the pond, feeding ducks and talking about something senseless and fantastic.

Sometimes Guan Shan stops by the entrance of He Tian’s house and gives him a peck: «sleep alone tonight, I’m going to my place». As always, He Tian smiles at him charmingly and they say goodbye, but when the red head disappears into the crowd he massages the trapezius muscle with his fingers, staring gloomily at the blurring lights of passing cars and street ads.

 One day He Tian just asks him: «Why don’t you just live with me? It’d be way easier for you, wouldn’t it?».

They’re in the kitchen, Guan Shan’s energetically mixing a salad with a wooden spoon and telling him about his stupid boss who gave him more working hours due to the layoff employees, while He Tian’s smoking at the bar.  
After throwing out the question, he tries hard to hide that his offer's making him worry – he tries to act like he has asked him about the weather forecast or his exam preparation. But for some reason, Guan Shan freezes for a moment and then, without looking back, mutters that it’s too soon to move in together and that there’s a plenty of reasons why they should take more time to think about this.

First of all – Guan Shan explains – it wouldn't be easy for his mother to live all by herself, she needs his - not only material - support, because of his father, who screwed up one time and is now sitting in jail instead of someone else.

Secondly – he rises two fingers above his shoulder – the apartment doesn’t belong to He Tian so he doesn’t really want to wake up one beautiful morning, to see a scary face of He Tian’s shocked uncle yelling «FUCKING FAGGOT!!!», and then, wishing good luck to himself, jump out of the twentieth floor window in his underwear.

Thirdly – redhead shuts up for taking his breath, scratching his nose with an index finger, - thirdly, he’s sure that if they’ll be living side by side, they’ll start fighting and quarreling, like, every day, not only on Friday evenings, as they usually do.

He Tian listens to him patiently, thinking only that he doesn’t fucking care about any hindrances. He Tian wants to tell him that his uncle hasn’t appeared here since the day he moved in, that they’ll often visit his mom and sometimes stay the night; that – god dammit – the only reason for fighting they’ll have is because of He Tian who will cling to Guan Shan twenty-four hours a day and seven days a week. He Tian wants to submit about a hundred arguments against and a thousand pluses that are covering up all paltry minuses, but he just nods mutely and looks down to his plate of cherry tomatoes and lettuce.

Invisible tension between them keeps rising the next few days – mostly because of him. Guan Shan, thinking that they‘re done with this, acts like his usual self, slammed with work and studying. He Tian tries not to pressure him too much, so he doesn’t start talking about it again, and, after all, withdraws into himself, digesting information that Guan Shan's announced and searching for a solution.  
Guan Shan notices his strange behavior and gently strokes his shoulder: «You haven’t even teased me about the salty chicken, what’s wrong?». He Tian tilts his head back and touches Guan Shan’s abdomen with the nape of his neck: smiles wearily with no words and then straightens his hand to reach Guan Shan’s head and drags him in for a kiss.

Step by step, they learn how to caress and be considerate to each other. At first it seemed a little weird to feel fingers running through hair, to take a shower together, to always go to the grocery store together like an elderly couple. Gradually, it became a habit – like the usual stuff that you don’t pay enough attention to, but your life can lose something important without it.  
He Tian learns how to control his own ego and give Guan Shan more space: he doesn’t touch him if he looks too tired, he waits when he’s mad at him and doesn't let him to apologize. Guan Shan learns how to kiss first, fighting with an illusion that He Tian'll start laughing and teasing him for his shyness; he learns how to relax in his strong arms that embosom him when they’re lying in the bed. He learns how to intertwine his fingers with He Tian’s if he expressly touches his hand when they’re coming home from the cinema.

Everything still seems fragile and unstable, and threatens to break if they use force. So He Tian looks after himself steadfastly and waits, waits, waits although Guan Shan’s said «no» to moving into his place. This is actually everything he’s able to think about. He knows that the true reason of his refusal is that Guan Shan’s afraid, he’s just afraid to depend on somebody. He’s afraid that it’s all unreal. He’s afraid to become a discarded toy again. Until he has met He Tian he hadn't dated anybody for more than a week, and it was like a card castle that he was building up again and again, and every time that castle was blown away by the wind.  
That’s why – somewhere deep inside them both, the seed of doubt kept growing: poof – and one day everything could disappear, leaving only the sprawling emptiness under their ribs.

*

When He Tian stays home alone (if he isn't studying or Guan Shan's working on weekends), he walks around the apartment with a cig smoldering between his lips and thinks that it looks like Guan Shan has left his marks everywhere in his house on purpose. This empty place somehow became filled to the brim – with balled up socks under the couch, with wrinkled t-shirts slung over the chair and the wardrobe door; with pans and containers of food in the fridge. Now there’s two tooth brushes in the cup standing on the bathroom sink – one’s black and one’s orange. The air is different – it isn’t cold and colorless anymore, but full of smell of the flavoring, spice and musk that appears out of nowhere: here you are, going to take a shower, then you suddenly start smelling a fragrance of your own perfume that Guan Shan uses too («no, I don’t want to feel you on my skin, I just like the bouquet, stop being lewd»). Here you are, preparing to watch new Netflix series, then you sniff and begin to remember that yesterday you two were eating spaghetti while watching TV. All apartment furniture used to have no smell, and He Tian thought that he’s a ghost in this haunted place. Now it seems like everything is screaming: I’m Calcifer, I’m burning hotter than a witch fire, please, let this marvelous creature feed me more, more, more.

He Tian wants things to be clear. No more blurred lines, no more doubts. He Tian wants to get everything and he wants it immediately - to wrap his hands around Guan Shan, to eat him like Kaonashi and then carry him inside his body forever.  
One time Guan Shan called him like that, when they were watching a cartoon by Hayao Miyazaki: «…and you are a hundred percent No-Face. 'Cause you tempt everyone with your money and then swallows their poor souls». He Tian answered that Guan Shan is that frog in that case – because he was tempted by him. Then the redhead boy kicked his knee with a foot and kindly wished to break his nose.

*

On Saturday, He Tian’s sitting on the street railing in front of the cafe and tapping his smartphone with his thumb. Behind the glass windows it can be seen how Guan Shan's walking across the room, picking up dirty dishes and glasses with a precipitate of chocolate cocktail.  
He Tian looks up: Guan Shan straightens up after cleaning the tabletop, stretches his arms, then ruffles his coiffed hair and says something to his manager, turning his head towards the bar. The corner of He Tian’s lips rises up: he doesn’t have to sit there, waiting for him to finish his work, he should just break into this damn cafe, grab his yawning boy and say something like: «Alright, I’m taking him back, and you, my dear, give me that bag and clean the floor, please». He Tian already did something similar one day, so after that Guan Shan prohibited him to walk into this place and, if he wants to wait for him, he should wait outside.

Fifteen minutes later he finally finishes, He Tian smokes his seventh cigarette by this time, and when he sees Guan Shan walking out, he drops it and presses it with a shoe tip. Despite his tiredness, Guan Shan doesn’t look grumpy and even smiles lightly at him when their eyes meet.

«Have you waited long for me?», - he takes the energy drink, passed to him by He Tian, and opens it with a snap.

«Long enough for it to be worthy» - He Tian puts his arm over Guan Shan’s shoulder with a habitual gesture and runs his fingers through the russet hair nest. - «We have to visit one person today».

«What person?», - The red head reclines on his arm and He Tian looks top down to catch the sight from under the long lashes.

He answers nothing, just gives him a naughty smile, knowing that it definitely will entail the next ten minutes of «What have you planned, asshole? Tell me», «I refuse to deal with this» and «Can we just go to your place and sleep, please?».

When they come to Mo’s house, Guan Shan arches his brow quizzically and He Tian tells him that his mother had called about 30 minutes ago and said that the dinner is getting cold. «The hell, she invited us and didn’t tell me anything?», - Guan Shan complains, looking for the keys in his pocket, and He Tian snorts: «She misses me».

His mother has an odor of sunflower and sweet-and-sour sauce – He Tian smells it when that fragile woman stands on her tiptoes to hug him. She looks like Guan Shan – same fluffy foxy hair and skinny wrists; Guan Shan's way taller than her and they look cute together. He Tian watches how she kisses his pierced ear while taking his shoes off (he does this too often) and Guan Shan tells her about the last news.

It was always warmer and cozier in this place; probably because it’s smaller, or because of the woman who makes everything homely and beloved.

They both go to the bathroom to wash their hands. He Tian covers Guan Shan’s soaped fingers at first, intertwining them with his own, and then lowers his head to press the throbbing vein under the jaw line with his mouth.  
He likes to see the pink spots that appear on his thin cheeks, to pull his earlobes with a light clench to feel his skin which gets so warm because of his touch. As always, Guan Shan hisses «stop it already».

His mom smiles tenderly at them when they walk into the kitchen.  
Three plates full of rice and pot roast are standing on the table; they sit down in front of her, like newlyweds, and begin telling in details about their studying, job and plans for the weekend. He Tian assures the woman by saying five times that he eats well because Guan Shan cares for his stomach even when he’s not with him. She looks at her son, who's eating the meal she made with a big appetite, and sighs with a light sorrow: «darling, have you thought about what I'd told you?». He Tian turns to Guan Shan with an interest, and he freezes with chopsticks in his hand, looking back at his mother. He frowns: «not now», - but his mother already returns to He Tian and the tiny wrinkles on the corners of her eyes appear.  
He Tian makes up his mind: he squeezes Guan Shan’s fingers under the table and tries to chill like he always does before telling something selfish.

«I offered Guan Shan to live with me the other day», - he says in the process of bringing the piece of meat into his mouth, - «But he shot me down».

She laughs quietly, kindly and purely, shakes her head while looking at her son. «It wasn’t like that», - Guan Shan mumbles and pushes He Tian with his elbow.  
The woman puts down her chopsticks and leans forward, propping up her chin with the palm of her hand. «Darling, but you do want it too? If you're worried about me then you should know that I’m not so old that you can't have an opportunity to live your life because of me».  
She does a whole speech: «you help me enough already», «besides, He Tian doesn't live that far», «you love him, darling, look how he cares about you» - He Tian feels like he's butting in, like he shouldn’t hear all of that. He looks away so he doesn't have to see the blushing and frowning face of Guan Shan.

After the dinner his mother asks Guan Shan to help her wash the dishes, so he stays in the kitchen and tells He Tian to wait for him in his room.

Lying on his spare single bed that smells like him, that has absorbed all his sleepless nights and worries for these years, He Tian tries to listen to their conversation behind the wall. He raises a basketball above his head, then throws it to the ceiling with one hand: Guan Shan, probably, did this too while he was lying there, thinking about all the shit that was happening to him. He Tian thinks how he wishes to be closer to him way sooner, so they could lie together while he's telling him that he will always be by his side and that he’s ready to die for him. Just wanting him to know and be lighthearted.

Guan Shan comes a few minutes later, carefully opens the room door and lies down beside him. He Tian lifts himself a little to put the ball down and then turns to Guan Shan. He moves closer to kiss him with a smacking sound and put his hand above the short bristly hair of his temple.

«I’ve changed my mind» - Guan Shan breathes out, lowers his eyes and begins drawing on He Tian's palm with his forefinger.

«What did she say? I wish I could do that too», - He Tian twists the strand of red hair and Guan Shan buries one side of his face in the pillow.

«It doesn’t matter», - he lies on his back and pulls bent knees towards his chest, - «Tonight I’m gonna stay here and tomorrow I will pack my stuff. Deal?»

They keep lying together in the dark for some time, and He Tian gently caresses his neck and his Adam’s apple with his thumb, looking like he was going to say something more, but then just gets up mutely and ruffles his hair as a goodbye: «I’ll be waiting for you at home».  
Guan Shan holds his hand one moment longer and lets it go, seeing him to the door.

*

Next morning, he comes with only one bag and a couple of shoe boxes. There were a few things to carry – almost everything that was necessary has already been in He Tian’s apartment, - so the term «moving in» was kinda symbolic.  
The resident welcomes him with words «now I can see why you have refused my help», and Guan Shan throws a bag in his so pleased face: «Did you clear a spot for my panties?».

Before lunch they were busy by putting all of his five t-shirts and two pairs of jeans - plus his underwear - in the wardrobe. He Tian doesn’t let him change his clothes and starts an amusing game: Guan Shan keeps walking around the apartment by wearing his pants only, searching for his shorts about 30 minutes. After all, he throws everything out of the wardrobe and puts He Tian’s clothes on (he was counting on it).

Before cooking something to eat, Guan Shan moves everything in the kitchen in his own way, saying that he leads that territory from this day forth. He Tian used to dump the dishes into the kitchen drawers and Guan Shan had to take them out again. So that time has now passed.

They have a cheese soup for lunch and then go to buy something they could share together. Now there’s a stereo system by the couch and two bean bag chairs with a fluffy rug by one of the large windows.

Tonight they’re making love slowly, rubbing against each other with every part of their bodies. He Tian clenches his hips and waist, languidly moving inside Guan Shan who closes his eyes and raises up, burying his face in the dark hair: an ingrained cigarette smell.  
Everything is like it should’ve been their first time – unhurried, careful, exploring with fingers and lips, sharing the air from mouth to mouth. When they had sex for the first time it was painful and messy: they both wanted to bite and leave marks, to move faster like it was their only chance to eat each other. Now they spoke with their touches. To run the palm of the hand up to the neck and reach the little dip between the clavicles with lips – means «I’ve been waiting so long, now you’re mine». To clasp the nape with fingers and squeeze the hips with knees – means «I trust you and I’ll stay with you».  
He Tian keeps looking at Guan Shan this whole time, touching his forehead with his own while they’re both moaning. After having an orgasm, they stay like that - holding each other, catching their breaths; He Tian’s body presses Guan Shan's to the mattress, and he doesn’t mind.  
They fall asleep in that pose, while the dark city sky outside the windows lights up with a narrow line of the sun.

 

When they both woke up, Guan Shan sees He Tian’s sleepy smile. He used to wake him up or He Tian would get up earlier than him, but now they’re lying beside each other, and his arm is hugging Guan Shan’s neck, and their feet are intertwined. Guan Shan wants to kiss him tremulously because he’s so lazy and lovely at this moment, and when he covers his smiling lips with his mouth, He Tian murmurs hoarsely:

«Welcome home, little fox».

Guan Shan puts the bangs away from his forehead and messes his black hair. When He Tian lowers his lashes under his palm and falls asleep again, Guan Shan carefully gets out from his arms and begins looking for his phone to cancel his morning shift.


End file.
